I Need a Daddy-Do-Over

I Need a Daddy-Do-Over

The other night I was trying to put my 6 year old daughter, Eliana, to bed but she just wouldn’t go to sleep!  It was late, I was tired and all I wanted was for her to go to bed so I could have a moment to myself, but she had other plans. She just wasn’t tired and for good reason; she had fallen asleep earlier in the day (a practice she was not accustomed to doing) but I continued to put my needs above hers. “Eliana if you don’t stop talking and go to bed there will be no screens tomorrow” (the worst possible punishment for a 6 year old in the 21st century)- At which point Eliana got even louder, beginning to cry. “Eliana you are going to wake your sister! That’s it! No screens for two days!” (the crying got even louder!) “Eliana, if you don’t stop I am going to take away screens for an entire week!” At this point her sister was awake, I was furious and the night seemed as if it would never end.  Enter Amy (my partner on this crazy journey). Exasperated, I stand up and walk out allowing her to take over. Amy, of course, was able to calm Eliana down and somehow get both girls to bed (she might be a superhero).  Amy walks into our room to find me lying there, still annoyed. “Av, don’t you think that got a little out of hand,” she says. “Ya, I just needed her to go to bed!” “I think you owe her an apology.” “Me?” I say. “She wouldn’t go to bed.” “Av, she wasn’t tired. She napped today and she never naps.” “I know.  I just wanted her to go to bed. I just wanted a few minutes of downtime for myself.” (I knew Amy was right, I was just having a hard time accepting it).

The next morning, I went into Eliana’s room to wake her up. “Eliana, I’m really sorry I got so upset last night. I know you weren’t tired and it wasn’t fair to you.” Eliana, “It’s ok Abba, I forgive you. I just wasn’t tired.” Then I said something that I learned from a parenting specialist who spoke here at VBS. “Eliana, I need a daddy-do-over.” An opportunity to start over again, a fresh start. The chance to make it right. In our tradition, we call this Teshuvah, an opportunity to return to our best selves. According to Maimonides, the great 12th century rabbi, doctor and philosopher, there are three steps we must take in order to complete the process of Teshuvah. First, we must recognize that we were wrong or have wronged (sometimes we need a little help with this). Second, we have to apologize to the person we have mistreated or offended ( sometimes not the easiest thing to do) and Lastly, when we find ourselves in the exact same situation, we must choose to act differently. This is how we know that our Teshuvah is complete- that we have truly learned and grown. Life has ups and downs and it is inevitable that we will make mistakes along the way. We are human after all, but it is how we approach those mistakes and how we learn from them that will help us to grow as human beings. Every year at this time as we approach Rosh Hashanah, we celebrate that we are all deserving of “daddy-do-overs.”