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How the Grinch Stole Shabbat

04/06/2015 08:10:00 AM

Apr6

How the Grinch Stole Shabbat
Hanukkah, 2002/5763
by Rabbi Edward Feinstein

OH, THE JEWS UP IN JEWVILLE
THEY LOVED THEIR SHABBAT,
FROM THE OLDEST OF OLD FOLKS
TO THE YOUNGEST OF TOTS.
WITH CANDLES AND WINE
AND CHOCOLATE CHIP HALLAH,
THEY FELT OH SO GOOD 
TILL WAY PAST HAVDALLAH.
THEY ALL WENT TO SHUL
TO HEAR RABBI SCHULWEIS
WHO TOLD THEM "IT'S IMPORTANT
TO TREAT EVERYONE NICE."
AND AFTER THE SERVICE 
THEY EACH TOOK THEIR TALLIS
AND RAN TO TABLE S
FOR COOKIES AND CHALLAHS.
BUT THERE WAS ONE AMONG THEM
THOUGH HE WAS BORN YIDDISH
WHO DIDN'T LIKE CANDLES OR HALLAH OR KIDDUSH.
IN FACT SHABBAT MADE HIM SO ANGRY AND BLUE-ISH,
YOU'D HARDLY HAVE GUESSED THAT HE WAS BORN JEWISH.
SINCE HIS BAR MITZVAH, 
HE GREW NOT AN INCH.
HE WAS TINY, AND HAIRY,
AND THEY CALLED HIM,
THE GRINCH.
HE LIVED ON A MOUNTAINTOP 
FAR ABOVE TOWN
ON EACH SHABBAT EVENING 
HE'D SAY WITH A FROWN:
"WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL,
WITH THEIR CANDLES AND BRACHAS,
TO ME, THE WHOLE THING IS A PAIN IN THE TUCHAS.
I DON'T FEEL ANY DIFFERENT FROM FRIDAY TILL SUNDAY.
I DON'T NEED YOUR SHABBAT ­ GIVE ME ANY OLD MONDAY!
I'LL SHOW THEM, I'LL SHOW THEM
I'LL STEAL THEIR SHABBAT!
I'LL TAKE ALL THE WINE AND THE CANDLES THEY'VE GOT!"
SO HE SET ABOUT BUILDING 
A SHABBAT-STEALING MACHINE.
IT WAS NUCLEAR POWERED
IT WAS NOISY AND MEAN.
HE BUILT THE WORLD'S FIRST
SHABBAT CANDLE BLOWER-OUTER
THAT BLEW OUT THE CANDLES 
WITH UCKY GREEN POWDER.
THEN ONE FRIDAY NIGHT
WHILE THEY WELCOMED SHABBAT
THE GRINCH SAW HIS CHANCE
TO HATCH HIS UGLY PLOT.
WHILE THEY ALL SAT IN SHUL,
SO POLISHED AND CLEAN,
THE GRINCH FROM HIS MOUNTAINTOP
BROUGHT DOWN HIS MACHINE.
WHILE THE CANTOR SANG PRAYERS 
AND THE RABBI TOLD FABLES,
THE GRINCH CAME DOWN CHIMNEYS
TO ATTACK SHABBAT TABLES.
AS THE JEWS IN THE SHUL
DAVENED LOUDER AND LOUDER
THE GRINCH, HE REV'ED UP
HIS SHABBAT CANDLE BLOWER-OUTER.
HE SNUFFED ALL THEIR CANDLES,
HE STOLE ALL THEIR CHALLAHS,
HE DUMPED OUT THEIR KIDDUSH WINE 
ALL OVER THEIR TALLIS.
THERE WAS NO ONE TO STOP HIM
THEY WERE ALL STILL IN SHUL
AS HE POUR ALL THEIR CHICKEN SOUP 
RIGHT IN THE POOL.
HE ATE ALL THEIR KUGEL
HE ATE UP THEIR HERRING
HE ATE ALL THEIR DESSERTS 
WITHOUT EVEN SHARING!
THAT GRINCH HE STOLE SHABBAS
FROM ALL THEIR MISHPOCHAS,
FROM SUCH TERRIBLE THINGS
SOME PEOPLE GET NACHAS.
HE RUINED THEIR SHABBOS
HE DIDN'T THINK TWICE
HE EVEN STOLE SHABBAS
FROM RABBI SCHULWEIS.
THE GRINCH STOLE THE SHABBOS
FROM JEWVILLE'S FINE JEWS
HE WENT UP ALL THEIR STREETS
AND DOWN AVENUES
UNTIL HE FINALLY ARRIVED 
AT THE ROAD BY THE CREVICE
THE VERY LAST STREET
WHERE THEY DRINK MANISCHEVITZ. 

AT THE END OF THE BLOCK
LIVED LITTLE SUZIE LE'JEW
WHO COULDN'T MAKE IT TO SHUL
SHE WAS HOME WITH THE FLU.
OF ALL JEWVILLE'S JEWS
LITTLE SUZIE WAS SMARTEST,
SHE STUDIED THE LONGEST
SHE STUDIED THE HARDEST
SHE KNEW KIDDUSH AND MOTZEE 
AND BIRKAT BY HEART
SHE KNEW SHEMA AND AMIDA
AND THE IMBETWEEN PARTS.
THAT ONLY THE CANTOR AND YOSSI COULD SAY
IF ONLY THE RABBI WOULD LET PEOPLE PRAY!
NOW THIS LITTLE SUZIE
SLEPT SNUG IN HER BED
WHILE CANDLES AND CHALLAH
DANCED IN HER HEAD.
WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE HEARD SUCH A CLATTER
AND IN THROUGH HER WINDOW CAME THE GRINCH ON A LADDER.
NOW SUZIE IN DARKNESS
SHE JUST COULDN'T SEE
"WHO IS THIS VISITOR?
WHO COULD IT BE?
SHE THOUGHT MAYBE ZAIDA
HAD FORGETTEN HIS KEY
OR PERHAPS COUSIN HERSCHEL
HAD DROPPED IN FOR TEA.
SO SHE JUMPED OUT OF BED
GAVE A KISS AND HUG
SHE WHISPERED, "GOOD SHABBOS"
INTO HIS HAIRY MUG.
NOW THE GRINCH DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT HIT HIM THAT NIGHT
EVERYONE HE WOULD MEET
RAN AWAY IN GREAT FRIGHT.
THIS WAS THE FIRST SHABBOS KISS HE HAD GOT
SINCE HE WAS A KID BACK IN RABBI JAY'S TOT SHABBAT.
AT THAT VERY MOMENT
HIS HEART STARTED TO BEAT
HE FELT WARM AND TINGLY
FROM HIS HEAD TO HIS FEET.
OUT OF HIS EYES
CAME FLOWING THE TEARS
FROM ALL OF THE HUGS
THAT HE'D MISSED ALL THESE YEARS.
"I'VE DONE SOMETHING AWFUL,"
THE GRINCH STARTED TO CRY
"I'VE DONE SOMETHING AWFUL
AND I DON'T KNOW WHY."
"WE BELIEVE IN TESHUVA,"
SUZIE WISELY EXPLAINED
WE BELIEVE THAT YOUR WAYS
CAN ALWAYS BE CHANGED!"
"BUT WHAT CAN I DO 
TO EARN LOVE IN YOUR EYES?
WHAT CAN I DO 
TO APOLOGIZE?"
"THE JEWS OF OUR TOWN ARE FORGIVING AND TRUE
THE JEWS OF OUR TOWN WILL LEARN TO LOVE YOU
BUT FIRST YOU MUST SHOW
YOUR WORDS COME FROM THE HEART
CLEAN UP YOUR MESS,
THAT'S A GOOD START!
PUT BACK THE CANDLES 
AND PUT BACK THE CHALLAS
PUT BACK THE KIDDUSH WINE
PUT BACK THE TALLIS!
BUT HURRY UP, MR GRINCH
IT'S TIME TO BE NERVOUS
'CAUSE HERE COME THE JEWS
HOME FROM THE SERVICE!"
THE GRINCH HE MOVED FAST
LIKE A MIGHTY TORNADO
THE GRINCH HE MOVED FASTER
THAN EVEN SIGFREDO.
HE PUT BACK THEIR CANDLES
HE PUT BACK THEIR CHALLAS
HE PUT BACK THE KIDDUSH WINE
HE CLEANED UP THE TALLIS.
HE SET ALL THE TABLES WITH GLEAMING WHITE DISHES
HE FILLED ALL THEIR PLATES WITH BRISKET AND KNISHES.
SO THE JEWS OF OLD JEWVILLE
CAME HOME SINGING SONGS
AND THEY NEVER FOUND OUT
THERE WAS ANYTHING WRONG.
THE GRINCH DID TSHUVA
AND CHANGED ALL HIS WAYS
HE LEARNED TO LOVE SHABBOS
ALL OF HIS DAYS.
ALL OF HIS MEANNESS AND ANGER AND STINK
HE GOT RID OF ALL
HE NEEDED NO SHRINK.
INSTEAD HE HAD SUZIE
HIS WISE LITTLE TEACHER
WHO TAUGHT HIM THAT 
INSIDE THE HEART OF EACH CREATURE
IS GOD'S SPECIAL LIGHT
'CAUSE IN GOD'S IMAGE WE'RE MADE
AND SO THERE'S NO REASON
TO EVER BE AFRAID.
THE GRINCH LOVED THE TORAH
SO MUCH THAT ONE DAY
HE SIGNED UP TO BE A RABBI
UP AT THE UJ.
AND SO MY DEAR FRIENDS
THIS SHABBOS, LET'S NOT MISS
TURN AROUND TO SOMEONE
GIVE A HUG AND A KISS.
SUZIE HAS TAUGHT US 
THAT EVEN A GRINCH
WITH ENOUGH HUGS AND KISSES
CAN TURN INTO A PRINCH.


* This document, or any portion thereof, may not be reproduced without the written permission of the author.

 

Sat, August 15 2020 25 Av 5780