The Journey Begins

Whe Journey Begins

Raising a child today is exciting, daunting, and certainly all-consuming. As a young parent myself, some days the goal is just to make sure the kids are dressed with matching clothes, let alone making sure my suit doesn’t have any stains on it! Loftier goals like providing your child with a strong sense of self and a deep connection to the Jewish people seem far off, but dreaming and acting for them begins even at the earliest stages of development. This time between Passover and the holiday of Shavuot, during which we celebrate the giving of the Torah, there is much wisdom to glean from God and Israelites at Sinai for us even today. Here are a few essential thoughts.

1. Have a Plan: The weeks leading up to Shavuot, literally meaning weeks, is a time of preparation and consideration. Following the holiday of Pesah, we turn our attentions from the joy of birth and re-birth to the awesome task of preparing ourselves to act in the world with purpose and value. Like the transition from Pesah to Shavuot, parenting is a deliberate process that begins with a blank slate and ends with a set of guidelines to ensure our children live out the values we aspire for them. With all the time we spend helping our children become athletic, musical, and intellectually stimulated, taking time to imbue them with character is equally necessary.

2. Study, study, and more study: The Torah as a text teaches us more than about what once was. Its messages and morals remind us of our own humanity, our greatest strengths and our crippling flaws. Parenting is the continual unfolding of our own strengths and challenges, and the lessons we gain from those moments are an ever present text for our own growth. When the Shavuot holiday begins, we welcome the time with an evening called Tikkun L’eyl Shavuot. It is an all-night celebration and preparation for receiving the Torah.  More than studying, there are special times to put what you’ve learned into practice.

3. Make it sweet: There is a wonderful custom of eating dairy products on the Shavuot holiday. Anytime you sit down to learn by yourself or to share some piece of Jewish tradition and culture to your child, do so with an open heart and even a little treat to encourage the learning. Where incentives can sometimes be limiting, they also can motivate and inspire. Your incentive is watching your child grapple with the questions that emerge from studying our sacred texts and even asking a few new ones themselves. A little treat here or there goes a long way.

You may have heard the famous and oft-quoted Midrash, or explanation, preceding the giving of the Torah. While the Israelites waited for Moshe to return with the Ten Commandments, there was a great commotion in the camp. Forty days in anticipation would make anyone anxious, let alone the parents and children! Moshe returns empty handed explaining that God demands a guarantee for such a precious gift. The people hear ‘precious gift’ and offer their finest possessions – gold, silver, jewels. Moshe hauls them up the mountain only to return without the Torah. A worthy guarantee but temporal at best. The people think harder and offer the guarantee that assured their freedom from slavery in Egypt – the patriarchs, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and all the great wise ones who have come before. Moshe ascends the mountain to return yet again without the Torah. Even the great ancestors had their doubts about God. God demands an unconditional guarantee.  

A young mother with a baby cradled to her side marched right up to Moshe and proudly announces, “Our children are our guarantee. We will teach them this Torah and they will faithfully observe it.”  Moshe ascends once again, and returns with his face glowing. “Our children shall be our guarantee. Teach them the Torah well.”

There are many layers to this story that speak so clearly to parents today. For one, the guarantee of our children’s education and embrace of their Judaism is among the life-long goals we dream to give them. While we focus so earnestly on their education, their experience with the richness and value of a Jewish way of life, we sometimes supplant our own learning, our own wrestling and celebration of our heritage to provide for them. Perhaps the real guarantee is that we will learn and live the Torah so that we may give our wisdom to our children and thereby lead by our example. We too can prepare, learn, and enjoy the sweetness of our tradition. It may be the very best gift of all.