Children Need Close Pals, Not Popularity

Children Need Close Pals, Not Popularity

Research suggests that intimate friendships have long-term benefits, such as higher self-esteem and lower levels of anxiety and depression

By Jennifer Breheny Wallace
Sept. 15, 2017

Chasing after popularity can be stressful for children—and for their parents. A growing body of research suggests that they should give a different focus to their social energies. Having intimate friendships, it turns out, brings more long-term benefits, such as higher self-esteem and lower levels of anxiety and depression.

In fact, says Princeton, N.J.-based psychologist Eileen Kennedy-Moore, the skills needed to be “popular” can be at odds with those needed for friendship, such as trust and support. The most popular kids often aren’t particularly well-liked because they engage in unfriendly behaviors (such as putting people down or gossiping) to maintain their status.

“Having one good friend is enough to protect against loneliness and to help bolster self-esteem and academic engagement,” says Cynthia Erdley, a professor of psychology at the University of Maine. In a 2011 study published in the Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, Dr. Erdley and colleagues followed 365 students as they transferred from elementary to middle school. Using self-reported questionnaires that measured things like peer acceptance, friendships, loneliness and academic engagement, researchers found that feeling accepted by peers, as well as having at least one quality friendship, served as unique predictors of both psychological well-being and academic performance during the middle-school transition.

Dr. Erdley says that one reason for the boost may be because “students who feel a sense of belonging don’t have to worry as much about what’s going on socially in the classroom, so they can save those cognitive resources to focus on their school work instead.”

In a longitudinal study published last month in the journal Child Development, researchers found that the quality of friendships during adolescence may have long-term effects. Researchers at the University of Virginia studied the friendships and mental health of 169 subjects, first at age 15 and then again at age 25. They used interviews and questionnaires to assess levels of anxiety, self-worth, depressive symptoms and feelings about social acceptance, as well as the quality of relationships. The participants’ friends were also interviewed.

The researchers found that those who had a more intimate bond with a best friend at age 15 reported less social anxiety, bigger boosts in self-worth and fewer depressive symptoms at age 25 than their peers. Adolescents who possessed a larger but less intimate social network reported higher levels of anxiety when they reached their mid-20s.

While teens who are less anxious and have higher self-esteem may find it easier to form strong friendships, the research finds that close, supportive friendships contribute to greater mental-health outcomes in the long term, no matter the baseline, says lead author Rachel Narr. Teens who have experienced good friendships gain the motivation and ability to build more supportive social networks in the future.